If ever you’ve wanted a Christmas track filled with lunacy, Idris Elba and lyrics including “cover my body in a bucket of goose fat“, then want no longer, for the Loose Tapestries are here.
For those who have yet discovered the joyous merrymaking of the Loose Tapestries, the concept involves comedian Noel Fielding and Kasabian’s Serge Pizzorno’s alter-egos, Vacuum Cloud and The Decision respectively. It’s a pairing that has also seen them release the accompanying album to Fielding’s E4 “Luxury Comedy” show.
The collaboration has been a long time coming, since word of the project began back in 2012. Elba mentioned in an interview with NME, “I get this call from the lads and they’re like, ‘Oi, do you want to rap on a Christmas song?’” he said. “I’m telling you now, it’s a hit. Serge did this sort of funky, Seventies, slow disco groove and Noel this singing-rap thing.”
To say it’s the ultimate Christmas alternative would be doing it a discredit, with Fielding describing it as, “quite Sladey, but also it goes from Morrissey to Michael Jackson to hip-hop to The Beatles in one go.” It’s a track that has been basted with every kind of absurd analogy you could possibly fathom and topped off with dollop of insanity.
If you want an alternative to the monotonous X Factor manufacturing machine, it’s time to embrace this turkey. Check out some of our favourite lyrics, along with the video below:
“And my wife is a Walnut / A Christmas walnut”
“It’s a terrible blow from a local hothead”
“Cover my body in a bucket of goose fat”
“Thank you for the yacht / Thank you for the Rolex / But the stationary will be going in the dustbin”
